Mom, Dad, This Is How I Learned About Sex

September 21, 2017
Dear Mom and Dad,

I wrote this letter when I was 15. This letter is just effective this year because I was too shy to confess the following things to you when I was young. Had you known these things, Dad could have grounded me for three months and Mom could have lowered my allowance to P10 a day. Or worse, you could have banned me from the family or you could have dumped me in your closet. Now that I’m old, a certified and married adult, I guess it will be okay for you if I tell you these things now.

Mom, Dad, please do not be shocked with what I will say to you. It’s not my fault anyway. I did not will it; it just came to be. I guess it was all the plan of Mother Nature. Hold your blood pressure and suspend your tears. If you haven’t taken your vitamins, I suggest you intake some first before proceeding. The topic herewith could destroy your health and could turn Dad’s head bald.

Mom, Dad, I confess in the name of truth—I was first exposed to sex when I was in third grade.

But wait! Give yourself some breath. That doesn’t mean I had sex during third grade. In fact, only with my wife did I have my very first lovemaking. What I mean is that I became knowledgeable (and a little interested, if not curious) about sex when I was a grade-three student.

It all started when I was playing in the garden. I peaked at Atching* Irma’s room and to my discovery, I saw Bapang* Gary there sitting on the bed while a man and a woman were kissing steamily… on TV. I was just curious, that’s why I watched with uncle, that is, from the window. Well, of course, he didn’t know that he was not alone in his watching.

From then on, I acquired more knowledge from my classmates in fourth grade, especially from Reynielle and Steven. If you don’t know them, they’re the most sex-oriented classmates I had in elementary. They introduced terms to, not only me, but also with my other co-students, minor sex data, such as… nah, forget it. Sex terms. You know. Not the scientific ones.

I was also enlightened by them, since I knew from them that the male reproductive system enters the female reproductive system when having sex. What I knew then was that the penis doesn’t enter the vagina. Only the sperms do, after being discharged from the male urinary gadget. Still, those terms and information were incomplete. More was added when I ventured in high school.

Do you feel degraded now, Mom, Dad? Please don’t put shame upon thinking that I am your son and don’t regret that you brought me up well. Don’t worry. I was responsible enough to expel the thoughts of having early sex. I was ‘With Distinction’ from fifth to sixth grade, remember? Which means that my studies were my primary concern. Green things were just, let us say, a little percent of my social life then.

Let’s pause for a break. Ready to proceed? Okay. Came first year high school.

It’s not my fault, my dear parents, to have a Philippine History teacher who was so open to pornographic things. He, being an influential and trivia-generous person, lit my mind of more things about sex. For example, I knew from him that anal sex is possible. “Nakahiligan na nilang mag-alkansiya,” I remember him saying.

Then there came my Computer teacher. Although she explained things in a this-is-just-formal-sex-education-my-dear-students way, I knew more things about the adult world, thanks to her. If not for her, I probably would have never known in an early sense that some girls swallow “it.” Also, the term ‘oral sex’ was made known to me, although I already knew the concept.

Then, this one I couldn’t forget. Remember Warren? My classmates (a mixture of girls and boys) once went to his residence to rehearse for an Ibong Adarna play. When Warren discovered that his parents were gone, we clustered in his room and watched Jungle Heat. Albeit I was the one nearest to the TV, it was only because I was nearsighted. But apart from that, I had no other hornier intentions. Your fault—it was late when you bought me my first pait of glasses.

I still recall. All eyes were on the video where the lovemaking was happening in the poolside. Some were smiling, some were going “yuck” (if I know, they were just denying), some were amazed, and some were focused. As for me, now you should be proud: I was just watching, because they were all watching. No other intentions, my ever-shining parents. Though I was a student with good marks, even our to-be-Valedictorian was present back then.

And though we were a mixture of males and females, nothing happened, I promise. No lady became suddenly de-virginized and the movie had not inspired me to take premarital sex. At least I knew what was must. My sole belief was that one should make sex with the right person in the right time and place. At least, for myself. Get it?

So many things were unfolded to me when I was a freshman. As the years went by, I discovered more things—from the 69-style to the wheelbarrow positions, from the term threesome or foursome to the possibility of female masturbation, and from different forms of “jobs” to the state of orgasm.

Warren’s residence became yet another cinema when our group was doing the backgrounds for our sophomore play, Florante at Laura. Britney Spears was the star of the porn video. Well, at least, that was our assumption. But it was all unfolded to me without my aggressiveness. It was all on my environment. Some blame go to you two, for one time I was forced to watch Sutla out of curiosity because I saw it on your drawer.

Then, before venturing into College, I had the opportunity to watch Viva Hot Babes on pirated VCD, not because I bought one, but because my female classmate purchased one to watch on our outing (I still have no idea why she wanted to watch that). I still remember how we criticized Maui Taylor’s artificial mammary because they looked like flesh bowling balls and how we used to describe Katya Santos’ breasts as lawlaw and suspected her status as a single mother. Indeed, we were reminded of Regine Velasquez’ pair of baby-feeders with Katya.

Concomitantly, that classmate of mine also had the movie ‘Sex Drive’ on pirated VCD that she lent to me (which I kept on my College application form envelope for security purposes). But that I didn’t watch because the torrid scenes, according to my classmate, were deleted. Watching it would have been a waste of time.

Also, a forum entitled “Sex and Intimacy” in a certain website added more trivia to my mind. Some articles in that website discussed adult things openly, and it wasn’t very hard to find.

I think you should be proud of me because I didn’t manifest what I have known in those years in the world of horniness. I haven’t harassed a girl and I did not have motivations of doing so. I was still prioritizing my studies and my ambitions, right?

If you just wanted, I could have agreed on informal pornographic jokes and mature conversations with you guys, because I already knew and I was responsible enough to handle such forbidden wisdom. I was not planning on premarital sex or anything illegal, and you know that I was one serious, straight-living student, so why be bothered or be unease when such delicate things were around? Mom, Dad, I was, am, and will be a proper person.

Heck, there were nights when I couldn’t sleep and I was browsing over the channels. When I see late night sex shows like those in Wowow (I discovered the shows there when I was in fourth grade), I do not stop my browsing because I am not aroused nor am I feeling an uprising of libido. I still prefer serious movies, geographical programs, cartoons, soap operas, and MTV. I was already numb from them, as if they were as normal as Cartoon Network programs. See?

Although I should admit, I have read many adult magazines—(some portions of) Cosmopolitan, FHM, etc. But I read them not because I wanted to, but because they were simply there. My and my barkada’s favorite coffee shop had those magazines for customers, which is why we had no other option. If they were not there, we would not have craved or searched for them. Their absence would’nt have disappointed us because we were not veteran porn maniacs.

So now that I’m 30, with kids, I will not be surprised anymore when the day comes that my son is confessing to me similar to what I just confessed to you (except if he confessed to me that he caused the pregnancy of one girl, that needs a disciplinary action already). Innocent looks won’t fool me anymore for I have learned from myself. If he won’t confess, I still know that he knew, knows, and will know such adult issues. However, I will not blow his bubble. He can keep it in the name of secrecy because that was what I did.

Every child will know about sex in a natural way, even though parents try to keep things away from them. More knowledge goes to those who are very much willing to learn. Fortunately for you, I was not that enthusiastic about the subject. Bottom line is: the environment orients children about sex in an unexpected kind of way. It will just come like a thief in the night to steal the young mind’s innocence.

As I prefer to put it, “I am not sexually and pornographically hyperactive; I’m just not innocent.”

Confessions are all done. Thank you Mom, Dad, for not collapsing or having epilepsy upon my admissions. You guys are the best parents in the world. I would not ask anymore whether you were the same when you were high school students or not in the name of respect and of the fourth commandment of God.

Ultra-super-duper-mega-truthfully and respectfully yours,
Your son

PS: I know that Dad had sexual picture messages stored in his 3210 when I was in third year high school.

Kapampangan: Atchi – Tita; Bapa – Uncle.
Names were changed for protection and futuristic assumptions were made up.
Wala akong maisip na Christmas-related article eh. Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Written by lagsh, edited by alteredbeast and first appeared on on 23rd December 2003.

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