Back in high school we used to spend our afternoons checking out the freshmen cuties. Though both of us were feasting our eyes on those boys, you were the only one branded as flirt. I told them that we are teenagers and it is our right to have eye candies. Because I loved you like a sister, I defended you.
You were always the rebel, piercing your ears in the middle of a biology class in spite of an interesting lecture. Our instructor was patient yet you pushed him over the edge that he told you that he gets pissed off whenever you make a remark. When almost everyone in class was calling you “POG” which stands for pissed off girl, I stood by your side, I defended you.
Because you were close to me, I introduced you to my friends and they welcomed you with open arms. We shared jokes and stories. You found a surrogate family in Quezon City. Though you were not ideal for my parents’ standard, I defended you.
We ended up in the same college and we had our own set of friends but still kept in touch. You joined a sorority and showed up in my dorm at dawn to borrow clothes because of the prescribed dress code. You were invisible when I needed a friend to cry on but I understand you. You spent more time with them and less with us. You even opted to attend your sorority homecoming when you were part of the eighteen candles in my debut. I was hurt but I understand. Many were irritated by what you’ve done. Still, I defended you.
Lately to my joy you became more visible. You even bought me cake during my birthday. You provided beer for my friends and you surprised me with the news that the boy I love was showing interest in you. Being the stupid person that I am, I put on a smile and in the most decent and poised way possible I told you that I wouldn’t be a hypocrite and tell you that it is okay because it is not. But then I don’t want to be a hindrance to your happiness. I will let him go for you. I managed to put on a smile when I can hardly breathe. My heart is slowly shattering in a gazillion pieces but still I told you that if he likes you I won’t and can’t do anything about it. I was smiling but deep inside I was weeping. You know how much I loved him but you of all people entertained him when you barely even know him. And you actually have the nerve to tell me that you are just going to go with the flow and see what happens next. You do not know how much pain you caused me. You do not know how tormenting it is when everyone I know brings me news about him. You do not feel my pain when I heard that you two were holding hands when only two weeks ago it was my hand he was holding. You do not know how crushing it is to hear that he was charming your cousin when only recently it was my mother he was chatting with. I hurt and I cannot bear the sight of both of you together. I confined myself in my room for the fear of bumping into either one of you. But that was before.
But then, I also blame myself for what happened. I never learn. He caused me pain before and I actually expected it to happen again. Pathetic huh? But I held on. I just didn’t expect that you too would contribute to my agony.
I will not stay quiet anymore. I am angry, not just at you but to the both of you. Him because once again he toyed with my feelings and you because you betrayed me. I may have not shown you my anger before because I never thought that you could do this to me. I was shocked and confused. I trusted you, I loved you but what did you do? It hurts me more that you knew everything that happened between us and still you did not think of what I was going to feel. All I am asking for is respect and all I have left is my pride. And you know what? Right now, I do not think so highly of you. I won’t let you step on me ever again. I am not bitter, it’s just that friends do not do stuff like this to each other. And as of now, I do not consider you as one. Maybe someday but not now.
I am breaking free from him. I will be the one to walk away. I do not want anything to do with the both of you. As my friends tell me I have them and I do not need people like the two of you. It’s better off this way. It’s best for all of us. So take care of yourself, we have been through a lot. You’ve changed, I’ve changed. Good luck in this endeavor of yours and may you not weep like I did. God has plans for all of us and though I am a Christian I do believe in the Hindus’ belief of karma. You are old now and you know what you are doing. You probably know now how to defend yourself, because I can’t and I won’t do that for you anymore.
Written by dscyt and first appeared on www.peyups.com.